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Forgiveness. The Healthy Option

Have you ever noticed that when you mention things of a spiritual nature eyes start to roll and conversational exits are surreptitiously sought? Is it, do you think, because the pietistic nature of the unseen does not align with our peer-pressured effigy of the 'bronzed Adonis'? I've always had a deep interest myself, though I admit, through my woolly mammoth period it was buried beneath a tangible fear of looking like a twat in front of my mates should I ever be 'outed'. Thus if spirituality came into the conversation I followed the norm and patronisingly 'eye-rolled' with the rest of the sheep. Now that I am a little more self assured I don't need the kind of conditional security that the 'norm' offers, rather I look to developing a deep rooted internal security that is as steadfast as it is empowering. And where I once toiled for surface mastery; hitting hard, moving heavy weights, looking good, building muscle etc.* I now labour from the inside out, pumping 'cerebral iron' to build a sinewy mentality. One of the hardest lessons I learned on route, which made me lighter and stronger for the practice, was the capacity to forgive.

They say that forgiveness is good for the soul, it is the doctrinal mainstay of just about every religious icon, from the Nazarene right through to Mahatma Ghandi, who has walked this spinning planet. And yet when we examine the world in which we live, and when we closely examine our own lives we see that there are many people preaching forgiveness, but very few actually putting it into practice.

We claim to love those close to us yet we can't forgive our brother for a ten-year-old error in judgement, or our sister for some wrong she inflicted upon us last year. We can't forgive the foreman for the way he treats us on the factory floor, nor our neighbour for a minor misdemeanour. And we definitely can't exonerate ex-lovers for using us as a spousal punch bag. It appears that we can't even forgive ourselves for stupid mistake made on our own journey through life.

Oh, sometimes we feign forgiveness with the anaemic proclamation 'I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget!' or the equally unconvincing 'I'll never completely forgive you!'

But you can no sooner 'partially' forgive than you can partially fall out of a tree, you either do or you do not.

We also have a great tendency to rationalise our blame with inane remarks like 'Yea, but you don't know what she did to me, I can't forgive her', and we seem perversely proud of ourselves, as though it were a great virtue.

It is not virtuous, there is no great feat of strength in carrying the carcass of a long dead argument, holding a grudge is easy, you can do it with out even trying: To forgive! Now then, that's a horse of a different colour. It takes strength, discipline and great understanding.

I believe it is a great weakness in the human spirit that disables us from the active practice of forgiveness.

But what has this got to do with health or fitness I hear you cry!

Let me tell you! Our lack of forgiveness is killing us - literally.

Our failure to pardon manifests an umbrage that grows with the passing of time, it is an internal time bomb of bitterness triggered and perpetuated by every minds eye replay. This has a catastrophic effect upon our physiology. Every time the grudge is replayed like an old movie it activates physiological fight or flight- that is, the release of many stress hormones into the blood stream. Your contentious thought is registered by the mid-brain as a physical threat, a Saber Toothed Tiger if you like. But- and here's where the problems start- because it is not physical threat, just a reminiscence, behavioural 'fight or flight' is not activated - that is, we do not run or fight for our lives- so all those redundant stress hormones lay dormant in your body, acting like a toxic bath for the soft internal muscles like the heart, the lungs, the intestines, the bladder and bowel. Even brain cells are killed by rogue stress hormones. Add the fact that your immune system is greatly impaired by the stress response, and therefor cannot adequately defend the body against infiltrating viral and cancerous cells, and you have a recipe for disaster, even death.

It is already estimated that the majority of all contemporary illness finds its roots in stress.

So every time your minds eye relives past upsets (because you can't put them to bed with a heavy dose of forgiveness) your body actually relives them too - as though it were for the very first time. This means that some one who insulted you ten years ago, who you haven't forgiven, is still insulting you today, and you're letting them!

Logically the best way to stop people from hurting you is to forgive them. This is what Charles Handy would call 'proper selfishness'. The exercise is not so much a means of helping others (though this too can be healthy) as it is a means of helping your self.

Once you forgive a person you stop carrying them.

In my younger days, working as a nightclub bouncer, I held many grudges, and for several years. Every time I thought about my past tormentors I could literally feel the stress hormones going to work, not realising that I was on a downward spiral to ill health. I am ashamed to admit that I was very proud of my aggregation of grudges and perennially laid them out on the table like favoured collectibles. I often bragged to others that 'I will never forgive', and 'one day I might even seek revenge'.

When I finally realised what I was doing to my self, or more specifically, what I was letting others do to me, I instantly let go of the past and forgave those that I had been carrying for so long. I felt as light as the proverbial feather, I also felt empowered. Now I always make a point of forgiving people when they upset my apple cart, I even try to forgive proactively, before they even do anything to upset me.

Many people feel that forgiveness is a weakness, and this discourages them from any active practice. From my experience forgiveness is the shield and sword of the Gods, is a great strength that should be nurtured in all people

Like most things in life it is better to start small and build up. Forgiveness needs to be localised, forgive the small things and gradually build up to the big ones. Start with yourself. We all have skeletons in our cupboards that we are ashamed of, what ever they are forgive yourself and move on.

As far as health and fitness is concerned forgiveness is cathartic; an internal cleansing that is an integral piece of the longevity jigsaw. So if you want to stay fit for life drive Blake’s cart and plough over the bones of the dead.

*I still exercise on a physical level for health a recreation, I feel this needs to be maintained but for the right reasons.