Goals
People often talk about success, of 'making it,' and 'getting to the top.' And whilst goals are good, and dreams are the stuff of life, neither is likely to transcend reverie without a little more detail and conviction. People want success but they don't know what in. They want to 'make it' but struggle to define the vital 'it' part of the equation. And whilst I admire those that aim for the top I always find myself asking 'to the top of what?' Ill-defined or vague goals need to be crystallised and put in print if they stand any chance at all of making it from fiction to fact.
In a very famous survey carried out in 1953 at Yale University each and every student was asked their views on a number of topics relating to this great seat of learning; what they thought of the campus, the staff, the library, the lecturers even their opinions on the campus canteen were sought. Every imaginable question about life at Yale (and in fact life its self) was posed. One of the most intriguing questions asked of the final year students was 'Do you have goals?' Followed by 'If you have goals do you write them down?' Only 10 percent of those surveyed actually had goals and of these only a minute 4 percent said they actually wrote their goals down.
Interesting you'll probably agree, even disappointing but not enough to write home to mum about. What was interesting, even disturbing was the follow up survey some 20 years later when Yale repeated the exercise. This time, rather than pose the same set of questions to the current crop of final year students they decided to throw a bit of currency at the project and find all the people from the original survey of 53, to see if their youthful aspirations were up-and-running in their current lives.
It was agreed, and after much globetrotting research the majority of those surveyed 20 years before were found and asked 'How did your life pan out?'
Amazingly, the 4 per cent who had written down their goals were all hugely successful, in their health, their relationships, community and in their financial affairs. They were outstandingly different from everyone else surveyed. The 4 per cent were also financially independent; in fact between them they were worth more than all the other 96 per cent - those who did not write down their goals - put together.
What this should tell us is that goals in life are not just important they are fundamental. If you don't have them you don't get them. And if you want them badly enough you'll make that extra commitment to write them down. It makes them official. You need a definite destination, how can you ever get there if you don't even know where 'there' is?
If you have every read a motivational book you'll probably know this already, the word Goal is tumbling from the motivational lips of just about every success-guru from Deepak Chopra to Anthony Robins. And they are right. But what most sellers of success fail to mention is the fact that success (in what ever form you would like it) comes at a price, and I am not necessarily talking about money. Rather I am talking about time, risk, commitment and sacrifice. Goals cost, and for those of us unable or unwilling to pay fulfillment is rarely forthcoming. Rather than make these sacrifices and actively seek out their dreams the majority sits waiting for success to come to them - and for free. They wait for providence and fortune to show them favour. But millions (monetary or otherwise) seldom come to those who do not develop the millionaire mentality. Income and lifestyle rarely exceeds personal development. So if you have a goal what you have to ask yourself is: Am I prepared to pay the price and become the type of person it will take to get my goal?
I look at my friend Glen as a for instance. He is in fabulous physical shape. He has the kind of rippling torso that most men dream of seeing in the bathroom mirror under a chin full of shaving foam. Lots of sinewy muscle and no fat (don't you just hate that?), he's ripped like a skinless chicken. But of all the people that come to the gym to make a similar body, probably only 5 per cent ever end up looking like Glen. Why? Because the 95 per cent are not prepared to become the type of person they need to be to get a beach-physique. They don't want to pay the price. To get cut-up from the gut-up you need to chart the right course, then have the discipline and the staying power to stick to it without deviating to the island of cake, or the port of 'beer and curry'. To build a body like Glen you have to make sacrifices and develop a powerful will that'll resist the Friday-night-piss-up-Saturday-morning-fry-up scenario that follows a working week at the computer. You need to set a course from where you are to where they would like to be. And to show your commitment that goal needs to be written down and dead-lined (time limits can be extended or shortened if necessary, whilst en route).
Diet - the ultimate discipline - is the pre-requisite to a good physique. You have to get your eating down to a fine art. But very few make it because the journey is too arduous, and some kid themselves that they can take out the bits they don't like (usually diet) and still make their destination. Certainly the early stages are hard, when you have to change a 25-year-old cake-and-cookie habit and replace it with a high-protein low-fat regime. Next on the course is the training. I know a million people that workout, but I only know one or two with anything near a good shape. Whenever I go to the gym I see people sweating their way around the loose-weights and machines and making all the right noises, but it is not just about the sweat and strain of a hard workout. It's about the detail, it's working on the finer points, it's setting the right course.
Setting the Right Course
It is easy to say 'set a course to where you want to go and you'll get there'. People set courses all the time and still fail to reach goal. This is usually because they inadvertently set the wrong course, and subsequently they end up at the wrong destination, or even worse, back where they started. You might be working extremely hard but are you working in the right direction? I remember the time I wanted to develop a brilliant osoto gari (it is a throwing technique in judo). I'd watched good judo players perform the move a thousand times, I'd seen detailed illustrations in books and even watched demonstrations of the throw on instructional videos. And with my limited knowledge I set about achieving my goal. I practiced daily, and very hard. I have always prided myself on being a tenacious - even obsessive - trainer. I practiced osoto gari thousands of times, to destruction in fact, but I was practicing it wrong. Never mistake activity for progress. You could be the hardest worker in the world, but still fail because you are hacking away in the wrong jungle.
The destination was set, but my course was off; and it only has to be slightly out for you to end up completely wrong. I became brilliant at doing osoto gari the wrong way. Subsequently, when I sparred with other players, I rarely pulled the throw off. Then I went to train with Neil Adams (Olympic silver medallist in judo). He knew the right way to do osoto gari. He knew the right course. He looked at my technique and in altering one or two minor points he altered my entire course. And hey presto, I got it. In fact, because I had been given the right map, and wanted to get there enough, I reached my goal in record time.
So make sure that you set the right course and be prepared for the sacrifices that the journey demands. If you don't know the way, ask the right people, those who are already where you want to be.
The Danger of Goals
Goals are essential; we've established this much. And writing the goal down with an expected time of arrival is as pivotal as setting the right course. But as well as all the obvious risks of aiming high - the risk of failure, the risk of success and the risk of change - there is also a hidden risk; goals can be dangerous. When we set goals, when we fully intend with all our heart to make them happen, they nearly always do. So what's the danger in that? The danger is that we don't set our goals high enough. Sometimes we aim low and guess what, we hit low. Small goals are fine when they act as stepping-stones to the higher ideals, but in themselves, they can be very unsatisfactory.
My friend Steve is a keen runner. The other day he went out for a jog. He set himself a goal of five miles. He was capable of more, 'but,' he always told me 'I'm being realistic. I know I can do five, if I set more I might not make it.' Not the sort of mind-set that smashes records I think you'll agree, but a common attitude never the less. He set five miles on his internal clock and his body fuelled him up for exactly that. By four and a half miles he was flagging and every step was an effort. He made five miles but at the final furlong the lad was exhausted. The next week, Dave, one of his friends at the running club, had to pull out of a ten-mile race. He asked Steve to take his place. Steve was unsure, he didn't think he could run ten miles; it was double his usual distance. 'Don't worry,' Dave said, 'just set your sights on ten, if you can't finish it's not the end of the world.' Steve ran the race and killed ten miles and had a great time doing it. He injected necessity and the organism grew to compensate. He is now preparing for his first marathon.
If you set your sights too low your body and mind will fuel you accordingly. Setting achievable goals does not push and stretch our limits; implementing standards that are just beyond our fingertips do. Paradoxically, I would say, 'Don't set your sights so high on the first shot that you become overwhelmed.' Had Steve gone from a five-mile jog to the London Marathon (twenty-six miles) he might well have written a cheque that the bank could not honour.
So aim higher than you think you can manage, but not so high you lose sight of your goal and don't worry, the organism will grow to meet an injection of necessity.
Milo the Great
There is a wonderful story about Milo the Great, a historical strong man whose life goal was to carry a full-grown bull on his shoulders.
'Impossible,' said his friends. 'Oh yea?' he replied 'Watch this space.'
Milo was strong both mentally and physically, but he knew he was not burly enough to carry a full-grown bull. So instead of making his way to the nearest farmer's field and trying to winch a horned beast onto his back he went out and bought himself a calf and kept it in his back garden. Every day Milo would go out into the yard and - after a little warm up - lift the calf onto his shoulders and walk around with it. Day by day, and as the calf matured and fattened, Milo's strength grew to compensate. His legs expanded their width and strength and his torso formed the shape of a door wedge. Eventually, Milo - to the astonishment of all - could carry the full-grown bull on his shoulders. By picking up the bull as it grew, and subsequently pyramiding his own strength to match, he grew with the bull.
Your bull may not be a hairy creature with horns and a nose-ring (sounds like a girl I once dated) rather it might be your business, your college degree, it could be a promotional move at work, perhaps your goal is to buy a dream house (with a bull-sized mortgage) it could be anything. Like Milo, you don't have to pick up the bull right away and it isn't always advisable to try, you should instead allow your growth to be gradual and organic.
So picking up the bull for Milo was done in pyramidic stages. He used short-term goals (picking up the calf every day) to vehicle him to his long-term ideal. You could use the same principle to buy the house of your dreams or build your business or increase you bench-press or fitness. Lots of people have secured fabulous homes by using the calf/bull principle. They start by buying a small property, selling it on and using the profit, and perhaps their savings, to move up the ladder to their dream cottage in the country. It can be done. Hard work? No harder than working your doo-daas off with no goal in mind.
I'm not saying that this is the only way. You can jump steps, you can go up more than one rung at a time, but when you do the risk rises proportionately. It's all down to how much risk you can take. Some people crumble when danger comes on board. Others thrive on it.
Goal Pyramid
You could even build a goal pyramid to chart your steps from short-term to long-term goals. Mountaineers do this to allow themselves recuperation and acclimatisation to new heights. They make their way firstly to a base camp, acclimatise, then, step by step, they scale to the summit of the mountain. When they get within reach of the top they rest, eat, acclimatise and then, when the weather is clement, they attempt the peak. It is all done in pyramidic steps. They set themselves daily goals, aiming to climb x amount of meters by nightfall. If conditions are favourable they may (and often do) exceed their quota; on bad days they may not even leave the tent.
I remember my mum using this principle to help my dad lose weight. He was carrying a belt-busting belly that was getting unhealthy (and unsightly) but he wouldn't hear of going on a diet. His self-discipline wasn't up to the job. My mum, worried about the dangers to his health, very gradually started to cut his dinner size down a tiny bit at a time and over a long period. Before he knew it he was eating light and healthy meals and looking and feeling good. As the dinner sizes decreased so the weight fell off him. It was so gradual he hardly noticed.
The true purpose of goals, the real value of setting them is not, as you might imagine, in their achievement - getting or arriving at our destination is secondary. The greatest benefit of setting and achieving goals are the skills, the discipline, the tenacity, the information and the leadership qualities you'll develop en route; and the fact that you and your whole world will change immeasurably, and for the better, as a consequence. The adversity of a hard climb is what forges character. They say it was the north wind that made the Vikings.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
In the film The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy and her troupe of mates are seeking a common ideal, the Wizard, a man (they believe) who can help them to achieve their very individual goals. Dorothy wants to get back home to Kansas, the cowardly Lion wants to find courage, the Tin Man a heart and the Scarecrow is desperate for a brain. Each believes that the Wizard will simply give them, free of charge, their dream. But he doesn't. He can't. What he does and can do is give them the means; he sends them on a hunt and promises to help them when they return. After accidentally killing the Wicked Witch of the East ('I'm melting, I'm melting,' you remember?) they return to Oz and the Wizard reluctantly keeps his word. He gives the cowardly Lion a medal of valour, the Tin Man a heart-shaped watch, the scarecrow a university diploma and Dorothy the knowledge that the power to return home was in her all along. Whilst each believes they have been given their goal free of charge, in actuality they have, through their journey - first to Oz and then to find the Witch - earned it through their own efforts. On the journey the cowardly Lion develops courage by facing his fears and protecting his friends against the Witch and her army of mad flying-monkeys (sound like a nightclub I once worked). The Scarecrow develops his brain by working out intricate game plans to find and then escape the witch, and the Tin Man develops a heart through a multitude of kind and charitable acts. What the Wizard gives them amounts to little more than trinkets, symbols of their courageous quest. Their real goal started to manifest when they committed themselves fully to the task and agreed to pay the toll and take the risks.
Goals are as individual as finger-prints and one mans nirvana is often another man's nervous break-down but whatever your goal there is one thing I have learned and one thing I know; we can achieve anything, nothing is beyond us. If we set our goals to paper and intend them to happen mountains will move and rivers will part.
So when I look at my dazzling, minds-eye objective from the safety of a king-sized-duvet I ask myself not 'Can I have this goal' because I already know I can, I can have anything, we all can. Rather I ask myself 'Can I become the kind of person it will take to get it?' Because who we become is far more important than what we get.
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