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My Experiences with Fear-Control- The “Keeping a Lid on it” syndrome My name is Dan White, I am 30 years old and I am psychiatric pharmacist (essentially a drug-dealer, dealing particularly with the mind-altering kind!). I do not pretend to know Geoff Thompson, but it is through reading his books that I find myself tapping away on the keyboard attempting to produce an article worthy of The Bohemian Café website, and your (the reader’s) attention. I have done martial arts (ju-jitsu) for a little under 2 years (a baby, I know). The main reason I came to the dojo was, as it is for many others, to become better equipped at dealing with physical confrontation, and subsequently increase confidence. I have progressed through the lower grades well, but have had the nagging doubt that my art may not be all that “street-proof”. It was in searching for the answer to this question that I came across Geoff Thompson’s excellent library of books and videos, and guess what- my art isn’t that street effective! But some of it is, and Geoff points out what supplementary skills are required. One of the most glaring omissions, when learning to deal with a physical confrontation, in the majority of martial arts schools (mine included), is the consequences of fear, and how one might effectively deal with them. Geoff has comprehensively explored and written about the aspects of confrontational fear. He has covered what to expect, what to do about it and has developed the Adrenal Map. If you are not acquainted with his work, then you are missing out. It is my intention, in this article, to share the experiences of fear I have learned through climbing. After all, fear is fear, regardless whether it is confrontational, climbing great heights or spiders. “On the other side to every fear is freedom” Zen proverb I started climbing in my early 20’s (far too late). As a novice safety is paramount, the risk of serious injury or death is always present even in a climbing wall. The novice, when seeking climbing tuition, whether from friends or professionals, is treated with kid gloves. I was introduced to climbing through a very close friend, I really enjoyed it -it was exciting but not terrifying. I was actually quite good at it and was keen to progress. Soon I had all my own gear and I could climb quite well indoors and on a safety rope (top-rope). So off I went and started to “lead” climb (no top-rope). I started, sensibly, on an easy climb and cruised up the first 20 feet, but as the ground below diminished so did my enjoyment. My throat became dry, I felt sick, I felt scared, I felt overwhelmed, my hands and face were pouring with sweat, my heart raced, my breathing was rapid, my forearms were pumped and painful, my fingers were cramped and unable to grip the rock, I couldn’t think and I had developed, what is known in the climbing fraternity as, “disco leg”-My left leg was bouncing uncontrollably. This wasn’t fun or exciting, this was hell! I swore if I got to the top, I would give up lead climbing- it just wasn’t for me. Obviously I did “top-out” and, after making myself safe, I yelled down to my wife, Penny, that it was now OK for her to climb. As I had lead the climb (taking the rope up from the ground), my wife was able to follow me, comparatively safely, on a top-rope. Of the two of us I was the stronger climber, nevertheless, I was exhausted every muscle ached, and I was worried that Penny would not be able to do the climb and we would have to leave behind all the “gear” that I had placed in the rock-face on the way up (to reduce the risk of a ground fall). She sauntered up the climb, barely broke sweat, on reaching the top she commented on how beautiful the view was, and that the adjacent route looked a little more challenging and we should do that next! “WHAT!!” I said, “Are you f@%£**g mad? I thought I was going to die”. She replied by saying that my legs did do a great impression of Elvis! So why was she able to climb the route like it was a path, and I felt it was the north face of The Eiger? Answer-fear. The effects of fear had near paralysed me, sapping my strength and neutralising my skill. Wait a minute; aren’t the effects of adrenaline supposed to make you stronger? This is true, but the effects are short-lived and use huge amounts of energy. Most of this extra strength is wasted by over-gripping the handholds, leaving the muscles tired and worn out. Nearly all the effects of fear are detrimental to climbing performance:- Increased adrenalin, leads to over-gripping and tension, sweaty palms mean you have to grip harder and are always trying to dip one-handed into your chalk bag-leading to greater fatigue, sweating face leads to sweat in your eyes-which you can’t rub out. Tunnel vision means you miss good hand and foot holds that are slightly out to the left or right of the route, blood taken from the brain means impaired problem-solving skills, rapid, shallow breathing impairs the clearance of lactic acid from tired muscles, and when you’re a stood on a tiny edge, the width of two or three matches, the last thing you want is disco leg. The net effect is that you think you are going to fall (and hurt or kill yourself) thus you become more frightened, and the net effect of that is …….all of the above. It is the nastiest of vicious circles. Climbing is often viewed as an adrenaline-junky, Pepsi-max type sport, but I don’t think it is. When doing sky-diving or bungee jumping or the like, there is usually one split-second decision to make, i.e. to jump or not. In climbing, you can be on a rock face for hours, or even days, you can’t just swallow hard and Go For It, because assuming you pull off that tricky move, you will find yourself with an equally difficult challenge, right in front of you and this time you have further to fall. The turbo drive that adrenalin gives you, just doesn’t last long enough on big climbs. I hated the feeling, I felt like a wimp, a failure- I felt like a little boy, that I was unable to deal with harsh reality of making adult decisions and taking mature action. I did experience the endorphin release and the ecstasy of still being alive, but it was soured by my inept performance (only I thought my performance was inept). What was worse was, my love for climbing rapidly diminished. The glamour had gone. I wished for things to be different, I thought there must be something wrong with me, that I must have a hormone imbalance or something. I was looking for excuses and someone/thing to blame. At first I thought I just needed to be stronger, if I was stronger then I would find the climbs easier and I would get less scared. Strength is important in climbing, but not as important as technique or mental issues, but I had yet to learn that lesson. I climbed and climbed in the gym, I did pull-ups till my fingers were blistered and bleeding. I developed shoulder, finger and elbow injuries I pushed myself hard and yet whenever I stepped onto real rock, with a real life or death scenario, I was a mess. Strength was not my problem, (I was far stronger than many of my companions, and yet could not climb harder grades). I was just increasing something that I already had. I was not focussing on my weaknesses. Eventually I admitted to myself and others how scared I was. Guess what- so was everyone else, to varying degrees. In fact one of my best friends, Alan, seemed to feel the effects more than I. Alan is a giant of a man he is athletic, muscle-bound and courageous. If you are in a tight spot you would want Alan (also an ex-boxer) by your side. And yet, once he is on a rock face he can become gripped by fear and his enormous strength and considerable skill is neutralised. My weaknesses were technique and mental aspects. Addressing technique was easy, there a loads of books on climbing technique. Addressing fear was a different task altogether, the information was scarce (This was before Geoff’s book FEAR had been published). The general consensus was that for good climbing performances it was vitally important to control fear also known as “keeping a lid on it”. The idea being, to prevent the “Catastrophe cusp”. The catastrophe cusp, is one step away from the freeze syndrome, in which your fear is so great that your performance is massively hampered, one is super-sensitized to fear, everything is terrifying and circumstances are blown way out of proportion. It is vital that this situation is not reached, if it is, the chances of an accident- through hesitation- become significantly higher. Okay, great, so now I knew that I mustn’t get too scared because if I did, the chances that my worst fears will materialise are increased. That information is not really helpful. Lets say your on a climb, you have nasty fall below, either onto the ground or some jagged ledge (…..and then the ground) and the moves above look hard and committing. The first thing that happens is you start to feel scared, at this point you start becoming aware that you mustn’t feel scared or things are more likely to turn pear-shaped, thus you become scared that you have started to feel scared! –let’s hope that ledge isn’t as nasty as it looks ‘cos at this rate you are going to be making a great impression of jam! The thing is, I have found, that you can’t control fear. I mean that in the sense of being able to just switch it on or off. If I worry about trying box-it-up, or keep a lid on it, I will fail. Not only that, I am likely to be even worse off for trying, because by the time it has leaked out of the top of the lid or box, the catastrophe cusp has been reached, it will be all-consuming, and you are about to be left with that “wailing for your mum” feeling, which isn’t going to make the situation any better. Having learned these lessons I was feeling even more dejected. I was suffering, my confidence and self-esteem were low and my inners were in turmoil, others seemed to be able to perform much better, my wife seemed fearless as did many of my friends. I continued to put in endless hours in the gym and yet when we all went on a climbing holiday to Spain , it wasn’t I that excelled. Eventually I found some tangible literature on dealing with fear, and, it was specific to rock climbing (see bibliography). It was a godsend or providence. It turned my beliefs on fear upside down, and yet, intuitively, I knew it was right. So what did I learn, firstly to stop comparing myself to others, the battle is with oneself, different people fear different things in differing degrees. To compare you to others is to disempowering. Secondly, learning to deal with fear is hard, at whatever level, it is hard. Pretending it isn’t is setting yourself up for disaster, but in accepting it (and all the consequences of your actions) you will experience your own power. This is akin to Geoff’s excellent technique of asking for more of the feeling -letting it flow through you and wash over, ask for as much of the feeling as you can muster, this is enormously liberating. Instead of trying to box it up, or keep a lid on it, you set the feeling free, and now, though it hasn’t gone away, you are not using up energy in an effort to control it. To help me to remember this I often recite the Chinese words Wu Wei- let go. Thirdly, everybody knows that it is the unknown which is truly the frightening part, so concentrate on what you do know and find out as much as you can about the unknown bit, before leaping onto the rock-face. Admittedly you will not know everything and you can choose to accept this and climb, or walk away and find out more. Knowledge is power etc etc….. Fourthly, concentrate on what you can give to the situation (the journey), not what you will get (the destination). This will allow courage to flow and you will be able to give your best efforts, if you do this, the getting/goal will take care of itself. This is analogous to being in the present moment, and not thinking of the what-ifs. Fifthly once the decision to climb/fight/speak to your boss has been made, you must totally and absolutely commit to it. The above discoveries have worked well for me in my life and my climbing, and I have discovered the enjoyment in taking risks. Though I believe you can’t fully control fear anymore than you can control the rate at which your kidneys filter your blood, there are ways in which it can be modified. Breathing, breath is said to be the mind-body link. If you can control your breathing you can have an impact on the physiological aspects of fear (heart-rate, sweating, nausea etc.), this in turn will lessen the impact on your mind, and your thoughts will slow down and become less panicked. It is essential not to forget your breathing. When I was about to do a serious climb which I thought carried a good chance of me falling, I would spend several minutes engaged in breathing exercises beforehand, and, whenever I hit a tough section I would focus on my breath to get control of my mind. Usually, once I did this, options would appear in front of me. My wife, who didn’t seem to feel as much fear as I did, thought this was hilarious and called me “Buddha -Boy” -but it really works. In Geoff’s book “Watch My Back” he describes how important it was not to show your adversary that you were scared, so doing some Yogic breathing exercises is probably not the way forward, and yet at the same time it is still very important to regulate your own fears through breathing. Geoff describes how one of his friends was able to regulate his breath, and at the same time look more confident and frightening- how? By taking a long slow draw on his fag, whilst maintaining chilling eye-contact, and then, slowly blowing the smoke in his opponents face –genius. I am not suggesting, however, that everyone take up smoking! Visualisation, I have found this technique hugely helpful, whether it is doing a hard scary climb, going for an interview or exam, confronting noisy neighbours or taking a grading. In really imagining a situation, you can bring on the effects of adrenalin, you can then see (and hear and feel) yourself acting in just the way you would want to. You can make the scenario as hard as you like. On almost every occasion I have done this, the actual event challenged me less than my own imagination. Also, in the middle of visualisations I have found out weaknesses in my performance. For instance, I would find myself imagining a throwing technique, and in so doing would realise that there was a part of it I wasn’t entirely sure of. Or, if practising for an interview, I would find that upon answering a question that the “panel” had asked, I would get a bit tongue-tied or not quite remember the exact definitions of terms. This was great because I could go away and learn these things before the actual event, -I had more knowledge (=power). Using positive self-talk. Many other authors have written extensively of the continuous nagging, negative doubts that enter ones head in demanding situations. I found that it was essential for me to deal with these, but first I needed to become aware of them. These thoughts were so embedded in my personality that I didn’t even notice their existence. Once I was able to perceive these thoughts, I was able to counter them. It is at this point that I (ever so) slightly disagree with Geoff’s methods of dealing with these thoughts. This is obviously my own personal opinion, and Geoff Thompson has nothing to prove in terms of dealing with bowel-movingly frightening situations-he is a maestro. Geoff quite rightly states that negative thoughts must be countered and dismissed at the earliest opportunity, I entirely agree with this. But, I think that the language that is used is crucial. In Geoff’s writings when “Mr Negative” tells him he is going to fail, he will respond with “I am not going to fail”. It is said that the subconscious does not disassociate between positive and negative, can and can’t, it will only recognise the content of the thought. Therefore whether you tell yourself you will or will not fail, your subconscious is still reflecting upon failing. The following example has been used before. But try this Do not think of the colour red. What tends to happen is, before you can carry out the instruction, you must think of the colour red -so that you know what not to think about. If we substituted the colour red for a negative thought such as “don’t think about failing”, failing is what you are thinking about despite your best efforts not to, and as a result is more likely to manifest. If on the other hand instead of saying “I will not fail” you say “I will succeed”, you have countered the thought of failing and you are now thinking about succeeding. If Mr negative tells you “you can’t handle it” it is fine to say “I can handle it” because you are already thinking about a positive constructive outcome. I have found, that it is essential not only to counter a negative thought, but to counter it with a positive one. My favourite example of this was in The Games (the celebrity TV show where they put various celebrity contestants through Olympic-style events). It was the final event, the 100metre sprint. The winner was never in doubt, Harvey was lightening quick, but the minor places were still all to play for. At the start line Bobby Davro was interviewed, he looked fired-up, resolute and focussed, Jane Middlemass asked how he was going to do, he replied in a serious, determined manner “Whatever happens, I am not going to come last.” At that point I knew, despite his huge conscious effort, he was going to come last, his subconscious had already perceived it! Needless to say, he did come last. Another trick to dealing with fear is to act positively. Making a decision and taking action is probably the only real way of getting rid of the feeling of fear. I do not like Nike as a company, but their catchphrase “Just Do It” perfectly sums it up, as does the title to Susan Jeffers’ book “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway”. The words above are just my own understanding of fear and the lessons, through books and experience, I’ve learned. I am not a hard-man, nor will I ever be. I do not wish to be in some of the desperate situations that doormen, soldiers, bodyguards, police find themselves in -not many do, but they still occur. I do know that overcoming adversity makes me grow. I am also aware that in not taking risks very little is gained. My greatest fear is of not being able to act positively in order to defend myself, or my family in a violent situation. I think this particular fear is unique, in that everyone has it, unlike spiders or public speaking etc. Violent, life-threatening situations are the reason this basic feeling exists. It is a necessity, without which, we would have never made it past the caves. This is the fear I am currently challenging and along with all that I have so far learned, and with people like Geoff’s priceless experience and advice, I feel I am pointing in the right direction, albeit on a long, scary path, with the ultimate goal of finding out who Dan White really is. If you’re still reading this article, thanks for your attention. If you’re not then it means a) it wasn’t that good and never made it into the public domain, or b) you were far too bored by it to reach this stage. For those that continue to read on, I hope you found some useful, or at least, thought provoking concepts. For more information, see the excellent collection of books in the bibliography below. Kindest regards, Dan
PS As I am always looking for ways in which to improve, I would welcome people’s thoughts and comments on this article, and would gratefully receive others’ advice on learning to deal with confrontations and adversity. Contact: Dango90@yahoo.com Bibliography FEAR, The friend of Exceptional People, Geoff Thompson, Summersdale Watch My Back, Geoff Thompson, Summersdale The Elephant and the Twig Geoff Thompson, Summersdale Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway. Susan Jeffers, Rider Books Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Sports, Joseph O’Connor, HarperCollins The Rock Warriors Way, Arno Illinger, Desiderata Institute |
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