So You Wanna be a Writer, eh? - by Paul Johnson
This article came after swapping emails with a guy on the message board at geoffthompson.com. He felt that I should tweak what was written in the email, and submit it as a short article on this site.
So here it is!
I had read Q&As on Geoff's site and seen this guy’s question, which was about his attempts to write. Basically he had found the right subject, got some ideas, but every time he sat down to write, a little voice inside his head said – who do you think you are? A writer – who do you think you’re kidding? (not a direct quote, but this was the gist of it). Geoff’s reply was quite powerful, and whilst I wouldn’t try to say I know any more, I do understand where this guy is, on account of also being a first-timer trying to write a book.
I only started writing last summer, and got in touch with Geoff asking his advice when I had written a few thousand words, feeling that I had done my subject some justice (!). Geoff was kind enough to ring me up at home and give me some advice, including some gentle pointers and much needed advice. What came out in the conversation was that he had assumed I was quite committed and dedicated to the writing. He had also thought that I might have felt I could write as well or even better than some of the so-called self-help books that are out there…
“Err, no - not really thought about it “ was my reply.
We were then talking about the length of my work, and I couldn't get my head around expanding it in the way he was saying - after all I had thought I was pretty much finished!
At this point Geoff then cottoned on to the fact that I was dabbling with writing, without any real commitment or dedication. Not only that, but I kept on telling myself the same thing - i.e. I'm just having a little play with this, maybe something will come of it, maybe it won't. Doesn't matter if it doesn't, I'm just having a little dabble.
I kept telling myself this, and also kept telling other people the same thing - that way I wasn't setting expectations, and therefore couldn't really fail, after all, that way you can't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. You know the way this negative stuff works - none of us like rejection - reach too far and you run the risk of crashing down in abject failure. I think this was exaggerated for me, as I couldn’t see myself as a writer at all - in my head this was extremely pretentious. Although I really wanted to write, and to be a writer, I just couldn't get my head around it - that's why this guy’s question rang such a bell!
Geoff helped me to see that as long as I kept telling myself I was
dabbling, then that is all I would do, that I had to take a deep breath and think of myself as a writer if I was ever to become one. It a self-fulfilling prophesy whichever way you look at it, but you can choose whether this is a positive or negative prophesy. Big choice – did you realise that we have that much power and control over where it is we go? I didn’t.
Still, it was a big leap from where my head was at the time, so to make this do-able I broke it down into much smaller pieces. Never mind being a full-time writer, never mind being a paid writer come to that - for the moment I decided to stick with the fundamentals, i.e. that I can’t see myself as a writer at all, pretentious bollocks etc.
Then the penny finally dropped (it can take me a while):
hang on a minute - if I am sitting down and bashing at the keyboard a few times a week, then I already AM a writer by definition.
It didn’t matter at this point what I was producing, how many words or even what the quality was - as I said, this wasn’t about seeing myself as a successful, published writer, it was about being able to get my head around being a writer at all. So at the point of realisation, I had by definition already been a writer for several months. Even the fact I felt uncomfortable about that couldn’t change it - I was writing on a regular basis, therefore I was a writer. WOW. I still am writing on a regular basis, and it still amazes me to think that I AM a writer. What a fantastic feeling – but at least now I can accept it, and enjoy the rush that comes with this.
Don’t try to bypass this first stage of acceptance, because if you can’t see yourself as being a writer (or whatever else you might want to be), then you won’t ever become one.
This helped me get used to the idea and expand my belief in what might be possible. I'm now aiming at getting my book published – don’t get me wrong, it’s not finished yet, but by cracking on and seeing a few more pages develop day by day, week by week, it has helped me see a little further, helped me to accept that it's not pretentious. And now it doesn’t seem pretentious to think it could become published. A huge step, definitely stretching me, but I can now accept this is possible.
I can't see myself earning money just yet, certainly can't see ever being able to quit work and write fulltime, but hey, one step at a time. Let’s get the book finished, then I will go for it being published. When it gets published I will try to see and accept the next stage or two – but never too far in front or it all seems impossible, like a working class kid with silly dreams and notions of grandeur. Geoff talks about this in his Living Dreams audio stuff – if you haven’t got the CDs, I suggest you invest a few quid. If you have, then I suggest you dig them out and listen to them a few mores times.
I hope that it helps to know you're not on your own in feeling this way. In the short term, tell yourself that you're just writing for yourself, keep the target low and achievable. Sure, you might know that ultimately you want more, maybe much more, but you can move the target as you get a few chapters under your belt, as your confidence and self belief grows. Then you will be able to raise the bar as much or little as you feel is right for you, but first lets get some success under the belt.
I hope that makes sense, and doesn't sound like I'm preaching. Bear in mind that I'm not saying this from the perspective of someone successful, someone recalling my days as a struggling writer. Instead I am a family man with a full-time job, struggling to find the hours to write, but with dreams and aspirations nonetheless. I feel that we’re on the same path, and hope my thoughts and experiences are of some use to you in your current situation. Sometimes it’s enough just to know that you’re not alone in this.
A new thought for the guy I had originally emailed – why not let us all know how this goes. Say by Easter… write a brief article to explain how this felt, what impact it had on you, how/if it changed your approach to the book, and what progress you have made by then. That way, you can’t fail. What I mean is that in the worst case (book going nowhere), by writing a few words about it for this site, you will in fact have achieved your ambition – by being a writer!! Seriously, I would love to know how you get on, and it might just help, being able to write about your personal thoughts and experiences, away from the confines of the book.
Footnote – I haven’t posted on this site before, but from what I could see of the amazing support that you guys are providing for each other, it seemed like a safe place to put these thoughts. I hope to be a regular contributor to the message board, and would welcome your opinions on the words above.
Take care
Paul
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